Thursday, May 29, 2014

Fat Girl Gardening Probs

Ok, so I’m pretty sure I might join a gym.  That sounds awfully non-committal, doesn’t it?  Well, that’s how I feel about it.  After my train-wreck doctor’s appointment a couple weeks ago…..ok, it really wasn’t that bad…..I’ve been putting in effort to at least put some thought into being healthier.  Phew, that was hard to say.  I know, really ambiguous language with a lot of qualifiers, but I’m putting it out there on the interwebs….so I must be serious, right??  The results of the doc visit are in and I have arthritis in my right shoulder and both knees (no real surprise there at my size).  As much as I put up a stink in my last post, I really do get that my weight has a bearing on the pain in my knees….ha, see what I did there….bearing on….oh, never mind.  Anyway, I ordered up some joint juice (A.K.A., liquid glucosamine chondroitin supplement) because it certainly can’t hurt.  Resumed taking my metformin religiously along with all of the other supplements I’m supposed to be taking.  Those include fish oil (I opt for Krill oil cuz I’m a high roller – not really), a multi-vitamin and 5,000 IU of Vitamin D.  Well, the blood tests revealed that, once again, my Vit D levels are in the toilet so the good doc put me on a 12 week course of a Vit D mega-dose.  I also have low levels of some of the B’s so I have added a B Complex supplement.

With all that out of the way, I had some time off work scheduled for the holiday and found myself in pretty good spirits on Thursday morning when I woke up.  My knees felt pretty damn good.  I wasn’t sure why there was a sudden reprieve from the pain but I wanted to take advantage of it.  I called Mom and invited her to join me in a day of landscape shopping, lunch and gardening good times.  We ventured to Steins Garden Center, where I picked up some mulch, a new hydrangea bush and a selection of six veggie plants.  It was a beautiful day out, mild temps and sunny skies.  I donned my best gardening t-shirt (white, go figure, but I made it through the whole day without any stains!) and got to work while Mom kept me company and minded the dog, who was being uncharacteristically well behaved (mostly).
Whaddya mean, mostly.....
I tackled the front by pulling the weeds, laying the black plastic weed barrier, spreading the mulch and planting the new hydrangea bush.  We took a break and I treated Mom to her very first Subway sandwich, which we brought home to eat.  After lunch, Mom decided she had had enough of my company and left for home.  I was a bit spent but after sitting on the couch for a few minutes, I decided to go out back and at least survey the area alongside the garage earmarked for my mini-veggie garden.  After standing there and looking at the plot, I decided now was better than later, broke out the rototiller and got to work once again.  More black plastic, some inexpensive wire fencing and using a serving spoon, I planted one plant each of golden bell peppers, sunburst orange bell peppers, sweet 100 tomatoes, sugary tomatoes, burpless cucumbers and pickle cucumbers.
Can't wait to start pickin'!
I set up the sprinkler, went in the house and plunked onto the couch.  Once again, the outdoors distracted me.  As I peered out the front window, I knew that the front lawn needed to be mowed.  Yes, just the front….long story that involves the boy, the lawn mower and an ill-placed water access pipe.  So, I got my fat ass up off the couch, again, and mowed my front lawn.  All in all, a very productive day and, although I felt physically exhausted, I had relatively little pain.  Until the next morning.

I woke up nice and early again despite having the day off work…again.  I smiled to myself as I reached over and ruffled the cat’s fur.  That smile quickly dissipated when I made my first attempt at getting out of bed.  Oh.My.GAWD!  Everything hurt like a son of a bitch.  My back, my legs, my neck….and not just my knees, my calves, feet and thighs BURNED!!  A week later and the back is fine and my chubby little feet have mostly recovered but my damn legs just can’t seem to put themselves back together again.  I’m pretty sure that if I could live my entire life in a full and upright standing position, I’d be pain free, because it's after laying or sitting that's the worst.  Yeah, good luck with that, right?

So that brings me back to my qualifier-filled, non-committal statement about the gym.  I want to be able to garden.  I don’t mind mowing the lawn.  I think I would enjoy walking the dog almost as much as she would enjoy being walked.  But all of that currently comes with the high price of pain the following day.  I’m afraid that if I decided to get a little beginner’s activity by taking the dog for a walk on a beautiful day like today, that I wouldn’t know my own limitation, get too far from home and have to  barter with the dog to allow me to ride her home like a small horse.  Alright, I know that’s impossible, she has far too much false pride to ever allow someone to ride on her back.  And then I’d be stranded, with the dog mocking me, and I’d have to call someone to pick me up and drive me the two or three blocks back home while I sit silently in my shame.  Seriously, I have that little faith in my current physical fitness that I fear I couldn’t walk a block away from my house and have the energy to walk back.  Hence the thought of maybe, possibly joining a gym.  That way, if I hit my wall, all I have to do is climb down off the treadmill or elliptical, steady myself and crawl to my car.

I really do want more for myself.  I would love to participate in the Color Run….or, better yet, the Dirty Girl Mud Run…how awesome would that be!?  But I am all too aware that at my current fitness level, both are far beyond my abilities.  But I still have the desire.  I would also love to be able to go on vacation, I mean a real vacation, save the money, book the trip and just – go – without having a freaking panic attack when I think about getting on an airplane because I don’t want to re-enact the shame-fest that was Southwest vs. Kevin Smith back in 2011 (I love you, Kevin Smith, you’re awesome!).  Or how about just getting in the car, driving a couple of hours to Six Flags and getting on a goddamned roller coaster (not to mention all of the walking around the amusement park itself).

If I’ve learned anything in all of my recent body love and “fat culture” reading it’s that I do love myself.  I’m trying to learn how to stop feeling like I have somehow failed myself by getting so fat.  Somewhere, in my brain, I know that there is the drive to make the positive changes to improve my physical fitness.  I just have to find the right formula of goals and self-motivation.  And I don’t want you thinking that it’s about looking good.  I mean, everyone wants to look good, I get it.  But I don’t think that I look bad the way I am now.  I just want to be able to do things!  Like, whatever I feel like I want to do, I want to be able to do it.  Thinking about it in very dire terms, if I woke up tomorrow to a zombie apocalypse, I would most certainly die.  First of all, I can’t outrun the zombies…oh yeah, these are the super-scary fast running zombies a la the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead.  Second, I’m much too big to be able to fit through those tight places to get the good hiding spots, I’d be all out there in the open.  And finally, no one would want me on their survival team.  Yeah, I’m smart but I’d be dead weight, they’d always be rolling their eyes and sighing loudly, perpetually waiting for me to catch up…oh, wait, never mind, I just got taken out by a horde of aggressive undead, it’s ok, you guys go on ahead.

But seriously, if a natural disaster or other emergency happened, how the hell am I going to ensure my survival?  I can’t climb through a window if my house caught fire.  If I got into a car accident, it would take more than one bystander to pull me from my burning vehicle because lord knows that I couldn’t wriggle out of that tight space myself.  So, I guess it’s more than me wanting to just do stuff, it’s now a safety issue (uncomfortable laughter).

Well, it’s Thursday and I have the next three days off.  I have some house work to do and the lawn needs to be mowed, again.  Seriously, does that shit ever stop growing?  So, I have plenty of time to find more excuses to not join the…..wait, where was I going with this?

1 comment:

  1. I so want to do the color run so when you are ready I am too!!


Be nice, now.