Thursday, June 26, 2014

I Am Undateable – The Prequel, Part III

So now you know that I have been a horrible person and totally blew off a nice guy for a completely asinine reason.  Then got my just desserts when the same thing was done to me, except it really wasn’t an asinine reason on his part, if we’re just being honest.  Time to wrap this bitch up with the final chapter.

Same ole, same ole…..finishing off this pre-paid eHarmony membership.  Getting more matches with the increased search radius, trying to get beyond my staunch determination to find someone who lives in the same county as me.  It didn’t take long for me to get past the rejection from Sanitation Joe, probably because even though I really liked him, we only had the one date.  There wasn’t a lot invested.  Moving on.

Undateable #3:

We’ll call this one “Randy” because it rhymes with his actual name and I’m running out of creative pseudonyms and he didn’t have any outstanding characteristics that I could call upon.  He lived in Chicago but was originally from Arizona.  He was nice looking, very sweet and always willing to travel to my area.  eHarmony communication….yadda yadda….we decided it was a good time to have a first date.  He asked what kind of restaurants I liked and we decided to go to Tumbleweed.  He picked me up at the apartment, at least this time the boy was at his father’s for the weekend so if “Randy” showed up in a pleather gimp mask wielding a machete, at least I would be the only one in harm’s way.  He rang the doorbell, we hugged hello and drove over to Tumbleweed for a nice dinner.

We had good conversation; we was intelligent and could hold up his end of a conversation.  I never felt like I had to stifle my big word syndrome, he always knew what I was talking about….or was at least good at faking it.  After dinner, he drove me home, walked me to my door and we hugged goodbye.  It was a pleasant date and I left it feeling not uncomfortable, open to a second date, even.  And we did just that.

He called the next day, we agreed that we had a nice time and would like to see each other again.  He suggested that, this time, he would drive up again and make dinner for me.  I said that sounded wonderful and I’d pick up a movie or two to watch afterward.  The boy was once again at his father’s so we had the apartment to ourselves.  When he arrived, he had everything ready to go.  He had me show him around my tiny galley-style kitchen, instructed me to go relax on the couch and got to work.  He put his homemade vegetable lasagna in the oven to warm up, uncovered and dressed the salad and sliced the baguette.  While the lasagna was in the oven, he set the table, opened the bottle of sparkling grape juice and, during all of this, we were having a delightful conversation.  What he didn’t know was that, all the while this was going on, I was liking him a bit less with each passing minute.  When everything was ready, we sat at my cherry finished forest green tile-top table and ate what turned out to be a really good, but last, meal for us.

After dinner, I went into the kitchen to do the dishes and he insisted that he would take care of it.  He was letting the lasagna pan soak and said he could pick it up next time (um, I suppose I was giving off “next time” vibes even though I knew there wouldn’t be a next time).  We watched whatever movie I rented….I find it odd that I don’t remember, I usually always remember those trivial details, but, whatever.  He held my hand and was a complete gentleman the entire night.  When the movie was over, I said I would wash the rest of the dishes….the ones he brought with him…and he said, “Nah, don’t worry about it,” and smiled.  I walked him out to his car, gave him a peck on the cheek and hugged him goodbye.  He just didn’t know that it a final goodbye.

I again handled the situation like a juvenile and never spoke to him again, even though he called and left a handful of messages over the course of the weeks that followed.  This time, unlike with Lego Man, I felt bad.  He was really a nice guy.  It was my weird, undateble hang-ups that put the nail in the coffin for this would-be relationship.  I think it was the feeling of him trying too hard, even though everything he did was perfect.  Any normal woman would have been head-over-heels if a new man in her life did that for her.  But not me, oh no, not me.  To this day, I truly hope that “Randy” found the love of his life, because he was one of the good ones.


So, that brings this trilogy to a close.  Boy, those stories ended up to be less funny as they progressed.  I hope I still have an audience and haven’t driven anyone away in anger or depression with my serial bad dating habits.  I’m really not a cold-hearted bitch.  Looking back at these experiences really does confirm that I am undateable.  But it’s not them, it’s me.  And I’m ok with that.  I’m not one of those “I don’t need a man to complete me” women, I don’t hate men.  I’m not angry at men or bitter that I’m not in a relationship.  Analyzing my most recent dating experience just shows me that, although I was glad to go through the experience, I really am happier being single – and not out in the dating world.  I know women who have lived a large part of their adult lives without the company of a man and wouldn’t have done it any other way.  I have now joined their ranks.  Should that change in the future, that’s ok too, but I’ve concluded my search.  Now, onto building my army of cats to segue into the lifestyle of the crazy spinster cat lady.

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