Sunday, November 2, 2014

Daylight Savings Time is a Dirty Liar

I did NOT gain an hour of sleep last night.  The seductive lure of this promise had me foolishly giving the finger to my mounting exhaustion last night as I said to the boy as the clock read 1:21 AM for the second time, “Sure, let’s watch Red Dawn.”  Last night was one of our mother-son bonding nights, as we occasionally have on weekends.  It’s important to spend time with your children.  Yes, he *technically* isn’t a “child” at age 20, but….semantics.  Some nights, we have mutual gaming marathons, lasting well into the next morning, the boy playing Madden or Minecraft on his Xbox One while I play KOA Reckoning or Minecraft on my Xbox 360 right alongside.  I realize this isn’t exactly a typical scenario that comes to mind when one thinks of mother/son quality time but, hey, it’s been working for us for over a decade and if it ain’t broke….well, you know the rest.  Anyway, moving on….
My day yesterday, leading up to our night of gaming and movie viewing, consisted of mostly writing and doing things related to writing.  I launched a Facebook page for my blog (shameless plug…*LIKE* me HERE!), I chose new profile pics for my social media platforms, I designed an original digital/sharpie piece of artwork to use as my FB cover and Twitter banner.  I was busy.  And all the while I was clicking away one the laptop, SpikeTV was on in the background airing their standard Cops marathon (seriously, is there ever anything else on that channel?).  I wasn’t really watching it but my subconscious was picking up bits and pieces.
Back and forth between the laptop in the living room and the big Lenovo desktop in the office, I was sending pics and documents back and forth because I just can’t seem to get my home network working properly.  I kept getting AV pop-ups on the Lenovo about blocked intrusion attempts and quarantined threats.  This started happening about a week ago and since I occasionally fall victim to ADD (hey…a kitty!), I decided to take some time and google around about these intrusion attempts.  Looks like the good ol’ Lenovo has contracted Ebola (too soon for jokes?).  DLL.exe COM surrogates….yeah, I can function pretty well as “tech support” for my mother but when I started reading threads about this brand of malware and viruses, yeah, I decided the only step I was comfortable with at this point was a deep scan by the AV followed by a full scan by the Malicious Software Removal Tool.  Norton did turn up one virus that it quarantined but the MSRT claims to have found nothing.  I am suspect because when it was finished, I still had seven COM surrogate DLLs in my processes.  *heavy sigh*
In between all those scans, the boy and I were enjoying our time together…

“MOM!  When are you coming in here??  Geez, you and your stupid social media lately!”

“Just give me five minutes, I want to finish up what I’m doing.”

“Fine, we can watch your show but you BETTER stay off your phone!”

*feels incredible sense of irony at that remark*

“You’re really gonna make me drive thru Taco Bell, why can’t you go?  You know I hate going for us cuz you always order like 20 things!”

“I’ve never in my life ordered 20 items from Taco Bell…besides, we can try out their new app!”

“Ugh, I suppose I’ll watch Airplane but it better not be dumb…wait, it’s THAT old?!”

“Yeah, but it’s really funny”

(from the office, to no one in particular…) “Are you f*n SERIOUS right now?! No malicious software found?!  I still have SEVEN dll COM surrogates running right now!!”

“I have no idea what you just said but it was freakin’ hilarious.”

Somewhere in there, the boy decides it’s as good a time as any to bathe the stanky dogs, a chore he prefers to have an audience for so I find myself in our “quaint” (read: small) bathroom with the boy and both dogs.  With both dogs bathed, the litter boxes cleaned and diabetic cats all shot up with their nightly insulin fix, we return to the boy’s room for more entertainment time.  As the credits roll on Cabin in the Woods, we laugh at the fact that it’s now 1:20 AM, again, and decide to watch Red Dawn (the one from 2012 with Josh from Drake and Josh).  Not long into the movie, he decides he’s finished gaming for the night and attempts to crawl into bed amongst the damp and inconveniently placed dogs.  My exhaustion ramps up to high and I decide it’s time for me to surrender to it and go to sleep.
I make my ritualistic pre-sleep pit stop in the bathroom and then climb into bed.  There’s a nice chill in the air so I leave the ceiling fan on medium rather than OMG-IT’S-GOING-TO-TAKE-OFF and burrow under the covers.  Within minutes, I have one cat laying on the pillow to my left, another crowding next to my right thigh and, of course, little Georgeanne, asking to be scooped under the covers to cuddle in the cradle of my left arm (I’m a left-side sleeper).  This is a process, the cuddling of little Georgeanne, my eldest feline.  In her agedness, she has grown "eccentric".  She will walk around the house, loudly declaring her presence, for no apparent reason (this often happens around 2:00 AM).  Her nightly requests to join me under the blankets has evolved from cute to annoying to downright dangerous.  What began as soft mews and gentle paw taps on my forehead have developed into nips and bites of my neck, chest and flabby upper arm.  I mean, she really gets into it, grabbing with her tiny front pearl teeth, sometimes shaking her head back and forth like she’s trying to kill a small animal.  I have a number of tiny bruises to show how much little Georgeanne loves me.
As I lie there, trying to fall asleep to the not-so-gentle bites of my 16 year old cat, I suddenly find that I am unable to stop playing Inner Circle’s “Bad Boys’ over and over in my head…”bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you”.  Is this real life right now?  Then, like it was some f*d up theme song, I start thinking about the computer virus.  And then I start to ask myself if I should buy Lena Dunham’s book now, in light of the recent controversy or if that would be weird because, I mean, I really like Lena but those quotes were kinda off-putting.  And then (bite, bite, bite) I wonder if I’ve unknowingly sent that virus to the laptop or my phone (is that a thing?) with all my file transferring.
At some point, I did fall asleep…only to wake up at 7:30 AM new time.  Did it ease my mind to think, “Gee, if this were a day ago, it would actually be 8:30 AM”?  No, of course not.  Because Daylight Savings Time is a dirty, lying bitch.

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