Saturday, March 14, 2015

If You're Looking for Funny Today, Keep Looking

When I logged onto Blogger to make this post, it was staring me right in the face...I haven't posted since the end of January.  I knew it had been a while but I guess I thought it had been more recent than that.  Probably because I've written a number of things but decided against posting them.  Every time I sit down to write, all that pours out of me is crap about work.  Words that may be "frowned upon" should anyone of consequence happen upon them.  Nothing malicious, just....well, anyway.  I depend on my continued ability to earn a paycheck, so those words will remain between me and my computer.
This week at work was, by far, the most stressful since moving into my new position several months ago.  However, when I signed off that work computer yesterday afternoon, I tried my best to leave it there.  And then everything started to fall into place.  I dyed my hair and the color turned out just like I wanted.  The last of the items I had ordered online for my bedroom redo were here and I was looking forward to getting my room finished.  The boy helped with the heavy lifting and even helped with some other house cleaning chores.  Together, we got all of the boxes that had accumulated in the three season room over the winter broken down and shoved in the recycling cart, leaving that room clean enough to allow the kitties to venture back out there for the first time since we closed it up in December.  My bedroom looks better than I had imagined it would and the cats love all of the new surfaces to explore.  I scored a bunch of super cute tchotchkes at TJ Maxx that totally complete the new look and feel.  My very first Ipsy Glam Bag was delivered today.  After over 9 months, I finally connected with a tech guy at Xbox that worked with me to get my email address removed from the random bitch's account that refused to admit she screwed up and entered her email address wrong when signing up (seriously, I've never encountered so many roadblocks when trying to be honest and do the right thing - I was getting this chick's personal account and purchase information and knew that it was the right thing to do to report it so it could be fixed).  The tow truck guy finally came and picked up that decrepit car taking up valuable real estate behind my garage.  The pooper scooper crew came a whole week early and did a stellar job with the Spring clean up in the backyard AND it cost less than the estimate.  The weather has been beautiful, most of the snow is gone, and it's just a matter of time before nature starts coming back to life.
Like I said, it's all shaping up wonderfully.  I've been posting cheery crap on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, building the fa├žade of blissful happiness.  So, why is it that I find myself struggling with sadness this evening?  Was the stress of the week more than I thought?  Has it just been compounding over the last few months and I haven't been properly acknowledging it or dealing with it?  Could it be because I've been feeling stifled by choosing not to post those other blogs I wrote?  I kind of got used to feeling like this blog was my safe zone, where I could say what I wanted.  Coming to the realization that, in this day and technological age, it really doesn't mean squat that you don't directly acknowledge your employer in social media, anyone can stumble onto this page and there can be real life negative consequences to the words I put to the page if someone reads something into it - regardless of my disclaimer that these thoughts are solely my own and make no representation to or for anyone or anything else.
I'm sure part of it is the hormones of PCOS and my period, but this month didn't seem too bad in that respect.  I had more good physical and emotional health days this cycle than I have in quite a while.  I've been enjoying my return to freshly juiced green juice in the mornings, taking my prescribed PCOS medication and have been sleeping well.  I just don't know why or how or what to say to myself about it.  I don't want to rehash my feelings about seeing the doctor because far too many of my posts end up being a rant about it and I just don't want to go there tonight.  I guess, tonight at least, I'm feeling a bit....alone?  I don't even know if that's the right emotion but that's all that came to mind.  Which is weird, because Mom came for a visit today to see my "new" bedroom.  And we had a nice visit.  We ate Panda Express and watched Rosie O'Donnell: A Heartfelt Stand-Up (which I had seen before but I knew she would enjoy it and she doesn't have the luxury of HBO).  And the boy has been helpful this weekend, and without lip or sass.  Yet here I sit....feeling sad.
I can only hope that it is purely hormone related and it will pass quickly.  Because this is yucky.  And hey, if you read this even after the title...thanks for the ear, I needed it.

1 comment:

  1. I thought I posted a comment but I don't know where it went. It said I had to comment as: Google Account, Live journal, Word Press, Type pad, AIM, or Open ID. So I chose Google Account and my comment went away. I guess I should have chosen "Comment as" first. Oh well, I'm sorry you're feeling sad. You didn't seem sad so I guess you were keeping that to yourself which is OK. I'm happy you know you can always vent to me. Let's plan something, lunch (on me), check out what else there is to museum, some other attraction we've never seen?? Maybe a little day trip somewhere? You do know you're my favorite...Love...Mom


Be nice, now.